But the trouble is that when you drink it, you invariably meet other people drinking it.

I would much rather end up a fertiliser under a sunflower which is eventually made into sunflower seed oil so that instead of nibbling me in her prawn cocktail, the pretty girl will rub me on her bristols as she suns herself on a beach in the Caribbean.

I'm not a villain, I've never hurt anyone. I'm just a tawdry character who explodes now and again.

I've been drinking. Now I'm going to drink some more.

I'm really a pacifist.

I like the effect drink has on me. What's the point of staying sober?

I have two ambitions in life: one is to drink every pub dry, the other is to sleep with every woman on earth.