I don't know who Ozzy is. I wake up a new person every day.

I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.

Life's not all about money.

Weather in Afghanistan, 2000 degrees and cloudy. What the f-ck am I doing? I'm stuck on the weather channel. AHHH!

When I was a practicing alcoholic, I was unbelievable. One side effect was immense suspicion: I'd come off tour like Inspector Clouseau on acid. 'Where's this cornflake come from? It wasn't here before.

In the Seventies I was so scared I wouldn't go on stage.

Ozzy is a powerful and attractive man. When I grow up I want to be Ozzy.