Statisticians estimate that crime among good golfers is lower than in any class of the community except possibly bishops.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.

I'm bound to say that New York's a topping place to be exiled in. Everybody was awfully good to me, and there seemed to be plenty of things going on, and I'm a wealthy bird, so everything was fine.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.