An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.

Whenever I have that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

I was writing a story, 'The Artistic Career of Corky,' about two young men, Bertie Wooster and his friend Corky, getting into a lot of trouble, and neither of them had brains enough to get out of the trouble. I thought: Well, how can I get them out? And I thought: Suppose one of them had an omniscient valet?

-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.

Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.