I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

I had really not been out of the United States much, except for Mexico. I thought, "Jesus Christ, this [Russia] is like a whole new world." Instead of writing Michael Jackson one-glove jokes, all I had to do was go to these weird places and keep my eyes and ears open.

Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.