The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco.

Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in the morning when I'm drunk as a monkey. She says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight.

I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.