I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.

People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.

It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy.

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

There aren't many political humorists. Dave Barry is excellent, but he doesn't do it much.

When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved.

Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stone-washed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And - since women are a majority of the population - we'd all be married to Mel Gibson.