The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno.

Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone gearing up for World War II. Can we count on Saddam Hussein to come along every year and resolve our defense-policy debates? Given the history of the Middle East, it's possible.

Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

What about snipers?" I once asked someone. He said, "Oh, most of the snipers have automatic weapon. They arent very accurate.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

A lot of things work better in a locomotive.