Greatest generation came through some stuff that we can't even imagine - the Depression, World War I - and all they wanted after that was a breather and a calm and a quiet life, and they get us.

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.

Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.