Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.

Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class.

I am a great admirer of women.

I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you?

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."