The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything.

In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.