Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

I was never in the office [of Rolling Stone]. It was very different from Lampoon, where we spent a lot of time together socially, which is to say "drunk."

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to collectivists, to people who believe that wealth is best obtained by redistribution, and that message is clear and concise . . . Egalitarianism is sinful; it's also cowardly.

Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof.

Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college.

It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy.