The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything!

When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning out awful product .

A lot of things work better in a locomotive.

Men generally pay for all expenses on a date ... either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be determined by the bizarrness of the sexual request to be made later that evening.

Now majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But like other precious, sacred things .... it's not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza.

Industrialization came to England but has since left.