Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

In the wake of Animal House, all of us at the Lampoon had a lot of Hollywood opportunities. We could definitely get people to return phone calls.

I couldn't have gotten into Harvard with a crowbar.

Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

I'm a political conservative.