I bought my first house because of Animal House.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

Cars would be safer on rails!

Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.

I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.

Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.