In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

The complexity of economics can be calculated mathematically. Write out the algebraic equation that is the human heart and multiply each unknown by the population of the world.

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield.

Hunter S. Thompson brings a lunatic genius to ordinary events, and I bring an ordinary sensibility to lunatic events.