Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

Then Saturday Night Live spawns... well, everything right down to American Pie 9, where all humor has to be irrelevant, which can get a little tiring.

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system

I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.