Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

Satire doesn't effect change.

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who...hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?"

We like to pile language on language. Hunter [ S. Thompson] was an influence on me, no doubt about it.

I like to take things that are boring-but-important and try to make them interesting. That was definitely what I was after with Eat The Rich.