The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

You'll note that politicians no longer spend money, they invest it. Don't worry about paying more to the [IRS]. You aren't being taxed; you're taking a plunge on a fly-by-night stock issue.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.

The complexity of economics can be calculated mathematically. Write out the algebraic equation that is the human heart and multiply each unknown by the population of the world.