A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.

There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.

The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.

The Lampoon started in 1970, and I began writing freelance for them around the end of 1971, and then all through '72. They hired me in '73, and I left early in '81. I did everything from low puns to being editor-in-chief.

A lot of things work better in a locomotive.

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.