Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed chewing tobacco if you lost. You could gamble for the toilet paper in public bathroom stalls. And fill out Keno cards in an attempt to win cancer therapy at the hospital.

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid.

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

Self-interest leads to honing your skills, the better to trade with.

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense.