Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don't draft people; it's not jury duty.

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it's over.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too.

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can tell you. ... government practices deceptive advertising. And the merest glance at the federal budget is enough to convict the government of perjury, extortion, and fraud. ... in a nutshell: government should be against the law. Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.