Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite poet. People like poets to possess the same qualities they do.

Normally, the job sucks but work is kinda fun, because you see your friends and flirt with girls and stuff.

A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

I couldn't have gotten into Harvard with a crowbar.

During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never does anything like this with lawyers?