Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. They are, literally, selfless. A world designed for automobiles instead of people would have wider streets, larger dining rooms, fewer stairs to climb and no smelly, dangerous subway stations.

If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

Men generally pay for all expenses on a date ... either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be determined by the bizarrness of the sexual request to be made later that evening.