Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

The real truth about children is they don't speak the language very well. They're physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our elaborate ideas about right and wrong.

When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.