Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is "America's ex-wife."

Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.

Mike had called me and said he could offer me less, and I said, "You're on!" Because I was really excited with what Mike Kelly was doing, and now what Cullen Murphy is doing with Atlantic. It's a really cool magazine.

There aren't many political humorists. Dave Barry is excellent, but he doesn't do it much.

Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.