Those who do not know history are probably also not doing well in English or math. P.J. O'Rourke

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.

This country was founded by religious nuts with guns.