Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a terrible time finding something polite to do with their lips.

Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

The wonder is that communism lasted so long. But then again, modern poetry lasted a long time, too.

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

War will exist as long as there's a food chain.

Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.

The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.