All lies are told with a straight face. It is truth that's said with a dismissive giggle.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention without politics to nominate a leader who's out in front of nobody? Maybe our national mindlessness is the very thing that keeps us from turning into one of those smelly European countries full of pseudo-reds and crypto-fascists and greens who dress like forest elves.

I read good. I was an English major.

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much, or the environment would be even worse than it is already.