Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look.

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.

Cars would be safer on rails!

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did.