Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.

What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?

I had grown up as a feature writer, and basically my career had been in The National Lampoon and as a magazine editor, and I'd never been a reporter.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

In the wake of Animal House, the stock briefly and quite wrongly shot up. So I love that movie.