Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth.

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?

There aren't many political humorists. Dave Barry is excellent, but he doesn't do it much.

Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work... Bicycles are too slow and impuissant for a nation like ours. They belong in Czechoslovakia.

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.