A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.

I'd like to end the book a lot of ways. Except I don't have any answers. Use your common sense. Be nice. This is the best I can do. All the trouble in the world is human trouble. Well, that's not true. But when cancer cells run amok and burst out of the prostate and take over the liver and lymph glands and end up killing everything in the body including themselves, they certainly are acting like some humans we know.

One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

I was managing editor for a while [in National Lampoon ], and it does cause business problems when your circulation goes up.

Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."