I had grown up as a feature writer, and basically my career had been in The National Lampoon and as a magazine editor, and I'd never been a reporter.

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time.

The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.

It's much better to have your arguments dismissed because you might be joking than to have your arguments dismissed because you're not telling the truth.

The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape.

Every pleasure you forgoe on Earth is a pleasure you won't get in heaven.