Off they go on this sort of camping trip to Iwo Jima, where they're taken around and shown where all the battles took place. It's very moving. Disgusting little island, though. Still an active volcano. Stinks of sulfur. There are dead Japanese everywhere under that island. It's icky. But I knew I would never have another chance to go, so I took the job.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger.

I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

[Al] Franken is left-wing and funny. He's a pretty good political humorist.

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.