If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, 'the Irish of Asia'.

If you're doing a column, you kind of have to. Like in the back of Sports Illustrated, Rick Reilly has to find something to be mad about. It's not really the way I approach things.

One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it's over.