Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right.

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.

When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it?

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.