The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

People love to be told what they know already. It's not so much that what they say is wrong, though Ann Coulter does seem to be completely crazy.

Then there's politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic voters. The whole system would collapse.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.

It's much better to have your arguments dismissed because you might be joking than to have your arguments dismissed because you're not telling the truth.

You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.

Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.