Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards.

The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm.

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Detroits industrial ruins are picturesque, like crumbling Rome in an 18th-century etching.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.