Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.

The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts - squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this.

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!