It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow ... It is impossible to be alive and safe.

Lampoon was a very collegial operation, though "collegial" usually means "friendly" and it wasn't that friendly. But we were tight, like a family.

Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards.

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.