Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't.

Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.