Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.

All the truly great stand-ups say, "I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work." To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.

Here's what I'm afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the "Doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter. They're just gonna laugh anyway."

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.

I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.