I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables,for that matter.