Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.