It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me back into going on stage.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhausted

Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.