My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

Mothers don't want to pinch me or put me in their purse.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

I have an ulcer. It has an IQ of 185.

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.