If I'm not working, I don't know what to do.

My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.

The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.