Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.

Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

I think basically an actor is a salesman.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.