Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.

The worst drivers are women in people carriers, men in white vans and anyone in a baseball cap. That's just about everyone.

I like a Blackpool breakfast, me - 20 ciggies and a pot of tea.

I love looking after animals. I find it very enjoyable.

Channel 4 are a great bunch of people to work with and the crew are lovely. Working at ITV was like being in the court of Caligula.

I don't want to sound like Catherine Cookson but I've worked since I was eight, with a paper round and in a fruit and veg shop. Taking a pay cut won't demotivate me, not at all. It's not about money in the first place. It's about the job.

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.