I enjoyed school - although I ran away on the first day. I'd reminded the teacher that it was nearly time for 'Watch With Mother' on TV.

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

I dress up as a middle-aged prostitute and do a game show.

I was a really picky eater as a child. Because I was obsessed by Popeye, my mum and aunts would put my food in a can to represent spinach and we'd hum the Popeye tune and then I'd happily eat it.

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.

I go in the butchers and there's not a lot of meat I can eat these days, with having all the animals.

If I wanted your opinion, I'd slap it outta ya.