I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.

I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.

I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.

The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'