I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.